Welcome to my world

Hello and welcome to my world, a world that defies conventional wisdom, a world where personal responsibility is void, a world where common sense has long been gone. Welcome my friends, welcome to Restaurant hell. I am Mr. Restaurant and I will be your guide through this tragic underworld that feeds the damned.
The American public has gotten out of control and has no idea how to conduct themselves in public, particularly in restaurants. The following list is a compilation of experiences and situations I’ve had during my 10 years in the hospitality industry with a personal commentary.
1. It is never acceptable to walk in to a restaurant within 15 minutes of closing time. The time posted as closing is just that, closing time. It doesn’t mean walk in 2 minutes until close and then expect to have overly accommodating service. It is incredibly rude and not good for your health. Americans are heavier than ever and eating high fat, high carb meals late at night will surely expand your waistline.
2. Sitting in a restaurant for hours yakking about nothing is completely unacceptable. Servers make money from the tips they earn and the revenue generated by turning the table is far greater than the customary 20 percent tip you probably won’t leave. If you must sit, enjoy adult beverages to raise the check amount thus increasing the tip, or pay table rent. You expect those of us in the service industry to be courteous and you should be in turn.
3. If you are unhappy with your service or food, here’s a tip for you: Don’t be rude to the manager. It’s our job to help you and make you happy. If you are rude, mean, or unreasonable the likelihood of anyone walking away from the situation happy or satisfied is not realistic. We are there to help you not be belittled by your arrogance. Restaurant managers are high paid professionals usually with extensive educational backgrounds.
4. If you have special dietary needs, eat at home or frequent specialty restaurants geared toward your special need. This is not to say that if you have allergies you shouldn’t eat out, you just need to understand that the core menu is created with the general population in mind. If you are a vegan for example, don’t eat out. Most restaurant products are not vegan and the flavor profile of dishes created without animal proteins just aren’t tasty and the general population will not enjoy their dining experience. Restaurants are in business to make money, not cater to you specifically.
5. Ordering takeout from a casual dining restaurant is a risky endeavor. Our menu was created for dine in experiences and the appearance and flavor profile reflect that. Take out items such as fish or steak tend to continue to cook in their foil containers and become dry while fried foods that should be crisp and tasty become soggy and limp which leads you to complain and be unhappy, just don’t do it. Fast food was designed to be fast food and fares much better in the take out market. If you must order take out from a casual dining restaurant you should adhere to the following:
· Know the menu. Don’t call and ask what we have. We haven’t the time or energy to go over the menu line by line and most major restaurants have menus available online.
· You are not the only person calling to place a takeout order. Contrary to popular belief restaurants don’t have an infinite number of phone lines or staff to man said lines. Be patient and wait your turn. Hanging up and calling back and then being rude to whomever answers the phone will not speed the process. We know that you are waiting and we will get to you as soon as possible in the order the call was received.
· Tip the To Go specialist; they work very hard getting your order together that you will call to complain about later.
6. I cannot for the life of me figure out why people feel the need to vandalize property that is not theirs. Writing on restroom walls, cutting the straps on child changing tables, adjusting the toilet valves so they leak, etc. are all examples of this odd behavior. It costs a lot of money to maintain the facilities in a restaurant and the increased costs of constantly repairing or cleaning are passed on to the consumer. If you want lower prices, stop destroying the restaurants you visit. While on the subject of restrooms it is important to note that people in the hospitality business are not there to be your maid and clean the biggest messes that you can intentionally muster. Lift the seat, flush, put your waste products in the trash, not the floor.
7. We are not babysitters. Your misbehaved children screaming, hollering running all over the restaurant disturbing other guests has got to stop. Leave the roller skate shoes at home along with the DVD players. If your child can’t sit still long enough to enjoy dinner with your family then you have a much larger problem than anything that you may encounter in the restaurant.
8. If you do have a problem, don’t spend 20 minutes giving a back story, just tell the manager your issue and let them resolve the complaint and move on. We have no desire to hear a bunch of information that isn’t relevant to the situation at hand. We don’t want to hear about past dining experiences, other restaurants, or what happened to your friends. We are far too busy to spend our entire shift focused on you. We have a restaurant full of people and staff that require our attention.
9. Sit where the hostess seats you. This isn’t your home. You don’t own the restaurant. I assure you that there is a reason for seating you in the designated area.
10. Do not ask your server to adjust the temperature in the restaurant. Your individual comfort just isn’t important and we are not really adjusting the temperature even though it appears as if we are modifying the temperature. If we change the temperature to accommodate you everyone else in the restaurant will begin to complain and a vicious, never ending cycle is begun. Dress in layers.
11. Order from the menu. Special requests are unreasonable during high volume periods. Modifying your entire order will delay your food (as well as everyone else’s) which you will undoubtedly complain about. If you must special order you need to realize and accept the probable delay and possibility of error.
12. Call ahead seating is absurd. You are no better than anyone else and calling ahead to try and get on the waiting list is ridiculous. Make a reservation if possible or come go in and wait like everyone else.
13. Dine at restaurants specializing in what you want to eat. Why would you go to an Italian restaurant and order the fish. If you want a steak, go to a steak house, if you want pasta, go to an Italian restaurant etc. Most importantly, don’t complain about your steak not being cooked correctly at an Italian restaurant, it’s your fault.
14. The children’s menu is not meant to provide low cost meals for the cheap and socially inept. Children’s menus are designed to provide quick, tasty, economical meals for children dining out with their parents.
15. If you order something that you don’t like, pay for it and don’t order it again. Why should the restaurant have to pay for something that you ordered? It doesn’t make sense. You must take responsibility for the decisions you make.
Hopefully this has given you something to ponder. Thanks for reading and send in your stories so that our fellow hospitality workers can learn from our experience. Be back later with more…..


Mr. Restaurant